Attachment & Trauma Center of Houston

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Betrayal Trauma is REAL and there are several stages

DISCOVERY: The moment you discovered that your partner watches pornography every day and has secret email accounts. The utter shock has left you scared, empty and numb. The days are a blur and when people speak to you, it’s like a dream. Nothing of what they say computes in your brain. The only sensations that you are aware of are heartache, headaches, and deep fatigue. And a deep shame has anchored in your stomach.


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YOUR CRISIS: Anxiety clings to every breath. Fear of being judged keeps you from talking to anyone about what’s happening inside you and around you. Wanting to know the full truth, you spend hours going through social media accounts and email looking for evidence of infidelity. Every day brings up new fears about you, your partner, and your relationship. Questions like, “What’s wrong with me?” “How did I let myself fall in love with someone who would hurt me so badly?”

THEIR RESPONSE: At first your partner lied and pushed back when confronted. But when it was apparent that you weren’t going to back down, they confessed. It’s just email contact “not real” and “they don’t care about these women.”  To make matters worse, they try to sell the idea that all the women in the contact lists are “just friends”. His nonchalant response is alarming to you and causes you to delve into even scarier thinking.